


Seventh Year (and how Remus totally made it work for him)

by orphan_account



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Voldemort, Badass Remus, Bisexual Sirius Black, Bullying, Gay Remus Lupin, Getting Together, Hogwarts Era, Hogwarts Seventh Year, M/M, Marauders' Era, Mutual Pining, Pining, Remus Lupin & Lily Evans Potter Friendship, Smoking, remus isnt a werewolf, unfortunately snape is in it lol, who is voldemort? idk him
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-18
Updated: 2018-06-08
Packaged: 2019-03-31 12:24:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 18,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13975080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Whatever. A year at Ye Olde Hogwarts wouldn't kill him.Or: the one where Remus doesn't come to Hogwarts until seventh year, and the fit bloke named Sirius is the least of his problems (thank you very much)**Will not be finishing, so read at your own risk**





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm going to try to update at least once a week
> 
> Comments and kudos greatly appreciated <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's some descriptions of Remus's scars in this chapter, so if that is triggering for you, I don't recommend reading this chapter.
> 
> other than that: enjoy <3

It was cloudy on his first night at Hogwarts. 

A bad omen perhaps, or a sign that Remus should go back inside the castle before he was caught out after curfew. He didn't want to get detention before he'd even attended his first class, after all, and his dad made him promise he'd try to do well here. He shifted uncomfortably on the ground. Grass was tickling the exposed skin of his ankles where his pajama bottoms didn't quite reach, and bark from the tree he was slumped against scratched his back incessantly. He really should go back inside, but he'd already walked all the way out here.

He fumbled with his pack of cigarettes and slid one out, holding his lighter to it. Last Summer, in Camden, he'd met a wizard who taught him, among other things, a spell to light joints with his wand, but he still preferred his trusty silver lighter. It stuck with him through all the moves, across cities and countries, a comforting weight in his pocket. He inhaled deeply, enjoying the rush of nicotine, but wondering if the routine of it was what attracted him most, the _breathe in. hold it. breath out._ over and over again. Exhaling a stream of smoke, he sighed at the barely-visible moon, obscured by wispy grey clouds like apparitions in the night. He had left the dorm for a cigarette, but part of him had really wanted to see the stars. 

A sharp snapping sound cut through the silence, probably a stick, but Remus was trained by his father to hear such sounds, to detect danger before it even materialized. The "forbidden forest," as Dumbledore had called it, was nearby, occasionally emitting odd noises and creaks like a dark, dusty, old attic, but Remus wasn't afraid of creatures that went bump in the night anymore. He'd almost become one, after all. The only thing that made him shiver was the chilly air sweeping over his bare arms. He should have worn a jumper instead of a t-shirt, but the decision to leave the castle had been impulsive.

He just couldn't sleep. That was nothing new, but it gave him too much time to think, to replay the day over again in his head. Really, it hadn't been that bad, but it wasn't a real first day exactly, since he hadn't arrived until dinner and had been immediately swept away to speak to Dumbledore and have his own private sorting in his office. _Gryffindor._ Whatever that meant. He wasn't too comfortable with a mangy old hat digging around in his mind, but it had been kind enough to call him intelligent and brave. It was probably a load of shit, but compliments are always nice to receive.

His dad had been excited to enroll him, now that Greyback was safely behind the bars of Azkaban and no longer a threat, as a sort of last-ditch effort to get him a proper magical education. Remus thought it was a bit late for that (in the sense that all of his official schooling had been non-magical up to this point, and in the sense that term already started two weeks ago). It was also somewhat unnecessary, since he'd been living in the muggle world his entire life and had no plans to leave it. Besides, he knew as much as a fully-fledged auror in terms of defense, thanks to his dad's paranoia. What exactly was he meant to learn here? Remus often entertained ideas of becoming a professor at a muggle university, and NEWT scores were irrelevant to achieving that goal. 

Whatever. A year at Ye Olde Hogwarts wouldn't kill him.

He snubbed his cigarette against the dirt and stood, brushing bits of dried leaves off his arse. He didn't know what his room mates were like because they hadn't been in the dorm all night. Remus didn't know what they were up to, or if they even knew they were getting another person in their dorm this year, but he didn't let his expectations rise too high. He didn't have a great track record when it came to new schools, not that it ever mattered; they moved every few months. He was supposed to stay the full year at Hogwarts, longer than he'd spent in any one place, but part of him expected to be whisked away again. _Should I even unpack my bags?_

He walked back toward the castle, knowing he wouldn't get caught. He moved too quietly for that, especially in the cover of night, with alcoves and banners and corners to hide in and behind when he heard footsteps come his way. Sometimes he wondered if he really _was_ a dark creature. Sometimes he felt that way. During the full moon, his dad watched him warily, like he might spontaneously transform, even though Greyback had never gotten around to biting him. He gifted Remus with quite a few scratches, five uneven lines in claw formation torn down his chest and a careful diagonal cut from his left temple to his chin from when Greyback had felt particularly sadistic, tracing a single nail down his face, his eyes glittering in sick glee. His father had tried everything to remove the scars, dittany and spells and muggle ointments, but nothing worked. They were marks from a werewolf. They'd never go away.

He muttered the password to the portrait and walked through. There was no sense in becoming maudlin tonight. Besides, he had sort of grown to like the scars. Well, not _like_ exactly, but accept as part of him. Sometimes it was comforting to trace the harsh, white lines. Remus wasn't sure why. They held no good memories.

"Maybe you shouldn't go through his stuff, Padfoot."

Remus stopped outside the door to the dorm room and listened.

"Wormtail's right, mate. We should respect his privacy."

"But we don't know anything about this bloke. He could be a serial killer!"

Remus rolled his eyes and pushed open the door. At the sight of him, the three teenagers surrounding his suitcase froze instantly. "I haven't killed anyone _yet,_ but that could change very quickly if you touch my chocolate frogs," he drawled. He was too tired for this shit, to be perfectly honest.

"Your stuff was here when we got back, and you _weren't_ here. I was just curious," a dark-haired bloke said defensively, crossing his arms against his chest like he was expecting a scolding. Remus suspected he was used to scoldings. He ran his eyes over 'Padfoot,' quickly assessing. _He's fit,_ his traitorous mind supplied. He glanced at the other two boys, who were looking at him red-faced. The short, chubbier bloke appeared somewhat terrified.

Remus sighed, turning to 'Wormtail.' "It's alright, mate. You can relax," " _for fuck's sake.._ " he added under his breath. 'Padfoot' must have heard the last bit because the corner of his mouth twitched up like he was holding back a smile.

"So where were you?" the fit bloke continued. _Christ, he likes to pry._ The bespectacled boy with unruly hair sharply elbowed him in the ribs, but it didn't seem to phase him in the slightest. Remus held back a smile of his own.

He shrugged. "Out," and walked past them, towards the bathroom.

"But it's past curfew."

Remus didn't try to hide the distinctly unimpressed edge to his voice, "Didn't think you'd care, considering you lot have been out all night," or wait for an answer, just shut the door behind him and went for a piss. He'd deal with them tomorrow.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey just a warning: there's a few slurs in this chapter, so if reading those words is triggering for you, I don't recommend reading this chapter

Remus skipped breakfast, opting to spare himself from that particularly awkward social situation. He would have to do the whole _where do I sit? who do I sit with?_ nonsense at lunch and dinner, and he wasn't keen on spoiling his morning with it too. Besides, he woke up before everyone else, itching for a smoke. Against all his efforts, he was an early riser.

But class was starting soon now, and students were trickling through the halls. Remus realized he had no idea where "Charms" was, but he had tired of asking people for directions after his eighth new school. He wasn't going to start back now.

He would have to ash his cigarette soon because people were starting to give him funny looks, and Remus didn't know how strict this school's "no smoking" policy was. It was a trial-and-error thing over the years. In Manchester, one of his teachers confiscated an entire pack and gave him a week of detention. During a brief stint in a particularly run down school in America, his history teacher asked if he could bum one.

“You lost?” A friendly voice snapped him out of his thoughts. He opened his eyes reluctantly, coming face to face with a pretty redhead. He wasn't _lost_ exactly. He just didn't know where he was going.

“I can find my way,” Remus muttered, flicking his cigarette to the ground and crushing his shoe over it. 

“I didn’t ask if you could find your way. I asked if you were lost,” she shot back. There was a firm set to her jaw, but her eyes stayed kind. Remus smiled against his will. She reminded him of his friend Sara, from four schools ago. They stayed in touch, but he missed her, even now.

“Remus Lupin,” he said, holding out his hand. “Didn’t mean to be rude.”

She smiled back and shook it firmly. “Lily Evans. Don’t worry about it.”

-

Remus was pleased to discover that Lily was on her way to Charms as well and had offered him the seat next to hers. He suspected that she only did so out of pity, but he'd already been impolite to her once. He didn't want to do it again, so he simply sat down to her right. Besides, he enjoyed her company on the walk to class. She wasn't one to pry, but Remus knew she must have been curious. As far as Remus knew, Hogwarts wasn't the sort of school people just "showed up" to in the final year. His cover story was that he'd been home-schooled until now, taught magic by his parents, not common but not unheard of either, and it was sort of true. His father _had_ taught him magic, but not through ministry-approved textbooks and tested with yearly OWLs. Only Dumbledore and his professors knew the truth (though the details offered to them were still vague).

They wouldn't allow him to take NEWT-level courses until he proved he could meet the requirements, so they let him take his OWLs last Monday. Remus himself was surprised at how well he scored, well enough to be accepted into Defense Against the Dark Arts, Charms, Muggle Studies (not as surprising), and Astronomy classes. He had his father to thank for his knowledge in Defense and Charms, and he'd studied Astronomy extensively through muggle books over the years. Wizards had a more mystical take on the universe, but Remus could learn to live with that. The other subjects, like Potions and History of Magic, he had scored embarrassingly low on, but considering he'd never studied them, he wasn't too broken up about it. He just wouldn't take those classes.

The room was beginning to fill up, more eyes watching him. He was used to the frequent glances from classmates, so he tuned out the whispering and got out his pens and parchment.

"Pens? You know they expect you to use quills, right?" Lily said, and Remus mentally rolled his eyes at the reminder of wizards' tendency to prefer archaic and impractical methods. He'd laughed at his school supplies list, but he knew, thanks to a few secret excursions into the wizarding world, that they were entirely serious. _Quills and parchment? Was this the eighteenth century?_ It was baffling.

“Quills are ridiculously inefficient. I caved and bought the parchment, but I’m using pens, not feathers, and that’s that.”

Lily laughed. “You’re a brave man, Lupin.”

“So I’ve been told.”

It wasn't long until Remus felt eyes burning into the side of his head. He resisted the urge to look. Christ, he'd never made an enemy on his _first bloody day._ He refused to stiffen as a figure stopped in front of them. "This your new boyfriend, Lily?" an unpleasant voice sneered, and Remus laughed, relaxing. Straight people. Honestly.

"It's my first day, mate. I don't work that fast," he paused, weighing his options. "Besides, girls aren't really my type." He didn't fancy being a closet case until graduation, and the sooner it was out there, the better.

Both Lily and the annoying git with greasy hair looked briefly surprised, but the later reactions differed sharply. Whereas Lily smiled at him with a supportive nod, greasy-git scowled at him in disgust. "You should keep your perverted inclinations to yourself. It won't make you any friends around here."

"Go away, Severus. You're embarrassing yourself," Lily replied, with a tone of utter loathing, and Remus bit back a grin when he slunk away in defeat.

Charms wasn't so bad.

-

Lily had looked sorry to leave him once class was over, but he had Muggle Studies next. _I'm muggle-born, so the class would be rather useless for me,_ she had told him before they parted ways. Remus gave a wry smile. _It's rather useless for me as well,_ he'd wanted to tell her, but then he would have to explain why he'd been living mostly-muggle since he was six years old. That wasn't exactly a story fit for light conversation.

It took some careful eavesdropping in the hall to find out where the classroom was, but he made it there on time, perhaps a bit early, since two blokes were approaching his table with not-so-friendly looks on their faces, and the professor was no where in sight. _Great._

“Lupin, is it?”

He adopted a disinterested drawl and clicked his pen idly in his hand, “That would be my name, yes,” and the skinny bloke tracked the movement with confused, beady eyes. _Bloody idiot's probably never seen a pen before._

The stockier bloke scowled at him and crossed his arms, a sneer curling his lip most unattractively. Remus may have failed his Divination OWL, but he had a rough idea of where this was heading. “There’s a lot of rumors going around about you.”

“Is that so?”

He only seemed to become angrier at Remus's lack of engagement. Remus bit back a smirk. It was immensely satisfying to be able to rile someone up with such little effort. “Snape says you’re queer.”

“News travels fast.”

“Are you going to deny it or not?” The taller bloke was getting awfully red in the face at this point. Remus was afraid he'd burst a blood vessel if he kept that up.

It was becoming extremely difficult to keep his face neutral, but Remus would probably get his ears hexed off if he started laughing at his assailants. He went for nonchalance instead. “Why would I deny it? I’m gay. Simple as that.”

Remus was acutely aware that the class was almost full at this point, watching the scene before them in interest. _So much for flying under the radar,_ he thought, disappointed. He sighed, tapping his fingers on the table top. When would this conversation end?

“There’s no room for shirt-lifters at Hogwarts,” and the venom in the bully's voice prompted the first tangible stirrings of anger in Remus's chest. He sat up a little straighter, feeling his eyes narrow slightly.

“Really?" he shot back. "I’ve met a few blokes here already, who are more than happy to ‘make room’ for me, so to speak.” That was patently false, but it felt good to say anyway, if only to see the pure embarrassed rage spread over the two faces in front of him. This was the sort of talk that landed him in trouble time and time again, but there were moments when Remus couldn't resist.

The skinnier boy lurched forward with a look of disgust. “Shut up, you fa-” 

“Don’t you ever get sick of hearing your own voice, Rosier? Leave him alone,” a voice called out behind him. Remus was surprised to discover it was one of his room mates, the one with glasses and an afro defying all known laws of gravity. Beside him were the other two blokes he'd met last night, wearing conflicting expressions he didn't bother interpreting. Remus hadn't even noticed them when he'd walked in. _I still don't know their names,_ he thought absentmindedly.

He didn't get a chance to respond as 'Rosier' set his sights across the room, where someone had apparently walked through the door. “Malfoy, did you hear? The new kid’s a sodding pouf!”

Remus could feel the sneer without even looking in his direction. He clenched his jaw at the derision dripping from the voice now a few paces behind him. “And I thought this school could sink no lower...seems like they're letting all sorts of deplorable 'wizards' into Hogwarts now.”

Remus paused. _I know that voice from somewhere,_ and as soon as he turned around, it clicked into place, and Malfoy recognized him immediately, his face draining of color. Remus couldn’t help it. He started laughing. He laughed until there were tears in his eyes, and he had to support himself by leaning against the table. Christ, this was just too good.

He knew the class was likely staring at him as if he had a screw loose, but Remus couldn't find it in him to care. Honestly what were the odds of this happening? The universe was a cheeky bastard sometimes.

“What are you laughing at, queer?” Rosier barked out, and Remus tried to slow his breathing, erupting into hiccups of laughter as he tried to calm himself.

“I would tell you the joke, if I thought you had the mental capacity to appreciate the punchline.”

-

The sudden arrival of the professor was the only thing that stood in the way of Remus being hexed into oblivion, so he was grateful, even though Malfoy spent the entire class period sending him half-panicked glares while Remus reminisced about the first time they met and the circumstances surrounding it. Remus had a healthy appreciation for irony, after all.

When class finished, Malfoy shot him a look that clearly meant _follow me, or there will be consequences._ Remus was curious to see how all this would play out, so he followed at a safe distance, hand gripped tightly around his wand as he was led into an empty corridor.

Malfoy turned to him suddenly, a long, blond ponytail _thwapp_ -ing over his shoulder, and raised his wand threateningly. “If you’ve told anyone-”

 _“that you blew me behind a Tesco’s in muggle London?"_ Remus laughed out, hand tightening and relaxing around his wand spasmodically. He could take Malfoy down if he had to. His father trained him to defend himself against _werewolves,_ for fuck's sake, but he'd rather not land himself in the headmaster's office on his first day at Hogwarts. "No, I haven’t," he paused, tilting his head slightly, as if considering something. It made Malfoy visibly nervous. "Yet,” he tacked on.

Malfoy lunged at him, pressing his wand to Remus's chest in a way that was meant to be menacing, but wasn't quite hitting the mark with the way the blonde-haired boy was faintly trembling. “If you know what’s good for you, you’ll keep your mouth shut.”

“Why?" Remus asked innocently. " _You_ didn’t.”

He hissed under his breath, “Now you listen here, you little-”

Remus shoved him to the wall, knocking the breath out of him, and said darkly, “You’re in no position to threaten me, Malfoy.” _Enough was enough._ This was moving past amusing and toward irritating. Remus's hand was a solid weight against Malfoy's chest, and he squirmed uneasily under his touch, not quite meeting Remus's eyes.

“No one would believe you,” Malfoy muttered, but he didn't move a muscle.

“You willing to take that risk?”

Malfoy caved. “What do you want? Money?”

Remus rolled his eyes. “I don’t want your money, twat.”

“Is there something e-else you want then?” and the meaning of _that_ was perfectly clear because Malfoy's breath was a bit shaky and a blush was rising high on his pale skin. Remus remembered how quickly Malfoy had fallen to his knees that day in the alley. At the time, he'd looked pretty sucking Remus off, but now intense dislike incinerated any traces of desire from Remus's system. _Bloody elitist, hateful, closet-case._

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” and Remus let every ounce of derision Malfoy had shown him earlier drip from his own tongue before pushing himself away. “All I want is to be left alone. That’s it. Keep your cronies away from me. Don’t insult me. Don’t talk to me. Don’t look at me. I’m here to take my NEWTS, and I don’t want to listen to a bunch of inbred imbeciles shouting slurs at me all day.”

Malfoy straightened up, expression murderous in the face of rejection. Remus smirked, and Malfoy raised his wand once more. “I could just obliviate you.”

The threat surprised Remus, though he tried to hide it, swallowing down his shock. “Try me," Remus spit out. "I dare you.” _Who does this little shit think he is?_ Remus watched in disbelief as Malfoy actually began the incantation.

And with one, firm flick of Remus's wand, Malfoy tumbled to the floor. Hard. Remus took advantage of Malfoy's momentary surprise and leaned over him to speak intently. “Just stay away from me,” Remus allowed himself a smirk, “Or I’ll start to think you like it when I get you on your back.”

He strolled out of the corridor. What a day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ohhh shiiitt
> 
> (im having fun with this fic dont criticize me)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Switches between Sirius and Remus' POV

Sirius huffed in boredom. He'd already doodled McGonagall's name on a spare bit of parchment about half a dozen times, outlined a new prank involving fireworks, and thought about Lupin in a series of compromising positions. And class. still. wasn't. over. He added some poorly drawn hearts around the professor's name, in hopes that she would see it and display that frankly hilarious eyebrow twitch that appeared whenever she found Sirius particularly tedious. She would probably take away house points, but the interaction would make James laugh his arse off.

After a few more minutes of boredom, Sirius slid Prongs a note.

**So...the new kid's gay.**

_I know, Padfoot. Everyone in class with a functioning set of ears knows._

**He's sort of fit, isn't he?**

Prongs groaned.

-

"There he is!" 

Sirius thought his pointing was quite subtle (thank you very much), but Prongs seemed to disagree. _"Cut it out!"_ he hissed, smacking him on the arm. _Arsehole,_ Sirius thought darkly.

Hiding his face behind his hand, Wormtail groaned quietly, "Great, now he's looking at us." Lupin raised an eyebrow in their direction, and Sirius grinned.

"That's where you're mistaken, my dear Wormy. He's clearly looking at _me,_ seeing as I'm the most dashing bloke in the vicinity."

-

Remus sighed when he realized the only seat still available at the Gryffindor table was the one next to the bloke who had just shouted, "there he is" and pointed at him. 'Padfoot,' or: the one who Remus caught digging through his suitcase at around one in the morning. Wonderful.

"Mind if I sit here? There's nowhere else."

-

Sirius rushed to assure Lupin it was quite alright. _Next to me,_ he thought smugly, firmly ignoring the fact that it was the only place left to sit. Most of Gryffindor didn't trust Sirius near their food after the ostrich incident. Predictably, James tried to fill the sudden silence with quidditch talk once Lupin sat down, but Sirius could honestly say he had never been less interested in quidditch in his life.

"So..." he began, as soon as Prongs paused to breath between spiels, "class was interesting today, wasn't it?" Lupin narrowed his eyes at Sirius, and James kicked him under the table. He winced, but ignored him.

Lupin picked at his food. "Interesting' isn't the word I would use, but I suppose."

"Rosier said that Snape told him. How did that greasy git even find out?" Sirius asked, unable to stop his face from morphing into an expression of extreme distaste as soon as Snape's name left his tongue. _Ugh, I don't even like saying it,_ he shuddered.

Lupin's lips twitched in a bitter almost-smile as he poured himself a glass of pumpkin juice. "Well, I may have told him."

At that, Wormtail's eyebrows nearly flew off his forehead, and Sirius conceded that his reaction was warranted. "Why on Earth would you tell Snivellus _anything?_ " James suddenly chimed in, unwilling to turn down any opportunity to badmouth Snape. Sirius could relate.

Lupin let out a surprised snort of laughter at the name 'Snivellus,' and Sirius grinned, shooting a mischievous look in Prongs's direction. _They were **so** going to win him over._ Sirius finished James's thought for him. "I just can't imagine any scenario where one would talk sexuality with that twat."

"He's got a point, mate," Wormtail said apologetically, and Prongs nodded in strong agreement.

"I wasn't planning on keeping it a secret anyway, and he was all in a strop because he thought Lily was my girlfriend," Prongs choked on his roast chicken for a moment, "so I figured that was as good a time as any to set the record straight, or not-so-straight, as it were."

Sirius snickered, and James groaned, recovering from his momentary stroke after hearing 'Lily' and 'girlfriend' in the same sentence. "Please don't get started on puns. Padfoot tortures us with them enough already."

Lupin flashed his first genuine smile at them. However brief it was, it still made Sirius's chest tingle uncomfortably. He felt Prongs and Wormtail relax at the gesture. "I can't make any promises."

-

This was going significantly better than Remus expected.

When Padfoot had brought up what happened in Muggle Studies, Remus felt a deep sense of dread wash over him. It was easier to brush off homophobic remarks from random students than the people he'd be living with until graduation. Surprisingly, the only negative comments so far were directed at Snape (understandable) and puns (amusing). His mind flicked back to his last school. He'd only been there two months, but his sexuality invited enemies quickly. A week before Greyback was captured, a couple of pricks from the football team cornered him behind the school, prepared to give him a beating. A wry smile twisted his mouth at the memory. He _had_ gotten a beating. Three against one. But Remus managed to do some damage in the process. He'd had many opportunities to perfect his right hook over the years. His fingers twitched impulsively to reach for a cigarette, but he remembered to stop himself.

"So what was all that with Malfoy?" Padfoot asked curiously.

"Yeah, I haven't seen him that panicked since Padfoot shoved a badger down his trousers during Hufflepuff Appreciation Week!"

Remus felt a smirk form on his lips, but he clamped down on it. He couldn't give too much away, after all. He had to hold up his end of the deal. "We've met before," he shrugged. "It was a...memorable experience." A flash of white-blond hair invaded his thoughts. Remus had buried his fingers in it, watching him bob his head rhythmically under the harsh, artificial light of the streetlamp. _Memorable indeed,_ though it made him a bit ill to think of now.

Suddenly, the previous statement hit him, and he laughed. "A badger?"

That successfully distracted them from asking any further questions about his meeting with Malfoy, as Padfoot was eager to regale the story about the badger to him, complete with character voices and a lot of hand gestures while the bloke with glasses frequently interrupted him to add extraneous details. Remus watched as Padfoot waved his fork around in the air carelessly, a piece of steak nearly flying off the end of it while Wormtail laughed and nodded throughout the tale as if confirming it. Remus was charmed by them in spite of himself.

He still wanted that cigarette though.

-

Sirius didn't have a class with Lupin for the rest of the day, and he hadn't sat with them at dinner. Prongs made fun of him for scowling at Evans periodically from the other end of the table, but Sirius had seen him sending a worried glance of his own when Evans threw her head back and laughed at something Lupin said.

Wormtail looked between Sirius and James and sighed. "He's gay, remember?" Sirius ignored him and nicked a roll off Prongs's plate, staring warily at the red-headed seductress. "Immune to her feminine wiles," Peter continued hesitantly, "so you can both relax, okay?"

Prongs dropped his gaze in defeat and nibbled on his treacle tart. "Okay," he reluctantly agreed, about the same time Sirius told Wormtail to sod off.

-

He'd finally had that cigarette after dinner, just outside the castle doors. He'd wanted to go back out by the lake again, like the night before, but he knew he shouldn't stray. Not now. The smoke wasn't as satisfying as he'd hoped either. He frowned on the walk back to Gryffindor tower. _Dad will be writing to me soon._ At least he said he would. Remus's absence for any length of time always made him anxious, and Remus doubted that would disappear almost overnight, even though the threat of Greyback was no longer hanging over their heads like a dark cloud about to pour.

Upon entering the dorm room, Remus was faced with a most unexpected sight.

Padfoot lying shirtless in the middle of the floor.

The bloke whose name he still hadn't learned (nickname or otherwise) was at his side, hovering over him and trailing his wand over Padfoot's bare chest, mumbling nonsense words. Wormtail was watching them nervously, his eyes darting between the large, dusty book propped up in his lap and the wand pressing into Padfoot's skin. "You sure you're doing it right, Prongs?" he asked with a twitch.

 _Prongs._ Where did these names even come from? "Uhm," he cleared his throat in the doorway, and Padfoot lifted his head to grin at him. Prongs didn't look up from his task, just muttered a "hey, Lupin" while Wormtail smiled sheepishly, as if he was the only one who recognized how strange this scene must look.

"Do I even want to know what you three are up to?"

"Probably not," Wormtail answered honestly, and Remus shrugged, about to collapse into his own bed and crack open a fascinating-looking book about Transfiguration he'd found in the library. Since he didn't have a full course load, he was given free periods, and after one look at the library, filled with books on countless interesting and obscure subjects, Remus knew he'd be spending that free time among the shelves. He was a bit disappointed though, that he wouldn't have an excuse to look at Padfoot's bare chest, but it was probably for the best. Nothing good could come from lusting after his straight roommate. He reached into his bag, but Prongs interrupted him, addressing him curiously.

"Actually...are you any good at charms?"

"I'm alright."

Padfoot rolled his eyes and craned his neck to speak to Wormtail. "Just show him the damn spell. Prongs is going to _permanently_ muck up my perfect skin if he keeps on like this."

Prongs jabbed him in the ribs and grinned. "Maybe I should keep trying then."

With a wary expression, Wormtail handed Remus the heavy book. He deposited his bag on the floor and sat beside Prongs, skimming over the page in question and determinedly ignoring Padfoot's cocky, teasing smile. "Awww, Prongsie. If you wanted to _mark_ me, all you had to do was ask," he cooed.

"Prat."

"Right, what exactly is the point of this spell?" Remus interrupted, determined to ignore that flicker of heat that sparked in his gut at the mere mention of marking Padfoot. His hormones had given him enough trouble in life already.

"Well, the reasons behind it are irrelevant, but-"

"Padfoot lost a bet!" Prongs crowed triumphantly.

" _Lost_ is a strong word. I was only five minutes off!"

"I still won! I'm a winner, and you're a-"

In two quick movements, Padfoot snatched Prongs's wand out of his hand and cast a stinging hex that made him yowl. Remus hid a smile.

"Hexing a man with his own wand..that's low, Padfoot," Prongs scowled, cradling the targeted arm to his chest.

The implication could not be tolerated, apparently. Padfoot sat up abruptly, a hand against his chest. "Are you questioning my honor?" he asked, mock-offended. "I'll have you know, I'm a paragon of virtue." His mates snorted simultaneously, and Remus raised an eyebrow. Dropping back to the floor, Padfoot huffed dramatically, "You're all dead to me."

"To summarize: Padfoot lost a bet, and now Prongs wants to put semi-permanent doodles all over his body."

"You make it sound so juvenile, Wormtail," Prongs crossed his arms defensively, and Remus rolled his eyes.

"That's because it _is_ juvenile," Remus said dryly. "And what do you need a spell for anyway? Just write it."

The three boys looked at him quizzically. "Quills don't write on skin very well, Lupin. Besides, the ink would wash off, and we can't use _permanent_ ink," Wormtail explained slowly, as if Remus were exceptionally dim-witted.

"That's right. You lot are definitely _not_ using permanent ink!" Padfoot said in horror, covering his chest protectively.

"I'm not cruel, Padfoot! How will you make a living if you can't sell your body?" Prongs grinned, "I won't ruin that for you."

Padfoot tackled him to the ground while Remus bit back a laugh. "At least people would pay for _my_ body! They'd pay you to put your clothes back _on!_ "

Prongs rolled them over, now having the upper hand while Padfoot scowled and squirmed underneath him. Remus had to admit that watching two attractive blokes wrestle around on the floor (one shirtless, no less) was leading to some rather inappropriate thoughts. _Christ, I need to get laid._ "Oh really? That's not what you said when-"

"I know hexes that Malfoy's never even heard of, and don't think I won't use them on you!"

Prongs rolled his eyes, but let him go. Remus searched for the thread of conversation from before they became sidetracked. He should have indulged in a second cigarette before returning to the dorm. "I didn't mean quills, obviously. Why don't you just use a marker?"

"A marker?" Wormtail asked, forehead scrunched in confusion. Padfoot and Prongs looked equally puzzled.

"Yes, a marker. A permanent one will last longer, but a bit of rubbing alcohol should take it right off when you need it gone. It's not technically good for your skin, but it's not going to kill you."

"What's a marker?" Padfoot asked, and he looked so genuinely clueless that Remus laughed, expecting the rest of them to join in. But no one was laughing, just staring at him like he was a bit barmy. "You're joking, right?" he asked disbelievingly, but they just answered with mumbled "no's." _Wow, the wizarding world really is cut off from muggles._ He sighed, turning to rummage through his bag, burying his hand in the pockets. His fingers eventually closed around the cold plastic, and he held it up for them to see. "This," he said, popping off the cap, "is a marker."

Wormtail appeared slightly wary, but Padfoot and Prongs huddled around it with wide eyes. "Cool," Prongs said, impressed, and Remus looked at him completely deadpan. _Cool? It's a marker, for Christ's sake._

"It writes like a quill, but it's much smoother and easier." Remus leaned down to write on the blank space of his left wrist, _R.J.L._ and showed it to them. "See?"

"R.J.L?" Padfoot asked curiously while Prongs plucked the marker from Remus's hands and practiced putting on and taking off the cap.

"Remus John Lupin. It's my initials." Padfoot took his wrist in hand and held it closer to his eyes, as if inspecting it. Remus considered jerking his arm away because Padfoot's touch was doing horrible things to his libido, and he could not afford to get a crush on his roommate right now. _It does feel good though, like sparks,_ he thought indulgently before forcing his mind away from the subject.

"Ha!" Prongs shouted, "Ask Padfoot what _his_ initials are!"

Wormtail giggled, and Padfoot shot him a glare. "S.O.B." he sighed dramatically, and Remus's mouth twitched from the effort of holding in his laugh. Padfoot made him want to laugh frequently. It was worrying.

"Son Of a Bitch?" he asked, trying to keep his expression even.

Padfoot groaned, and Prongs grinned widely. "You know-" Remus began, "you still haven't told me your names."

"Merlin, really? Sorry, mate." Prongs asked, surprised, and stuck out a hand, "James Potter." Remus nodded and shook it. James pointed to Wormtail, "Peter Pettigrew," who gave an awkward wave, "And-"

"Sirius," Padfoot cut in with a grin, before pausing for a moment. "Sirius _Black_ ," though his voice caught on his last name like he had a bad taste on his tongue.

" _Sirius,_ like the star? Your parents astronomy nerds or something?"

"Something like that," Sirius tried for a smile, but it seemed to fall flat. Remus shifted uncomfortably. It was suddenly quiet. He replayed the conversation in his head, searching for where he went wrong, but couldn't figure it out. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Prongs place a hand gently on Sirius's back in what seemed to be a gesture of comfort, but Padfoot brushed it off, clapping his hands together with a too-bright smile. "Alright, get started Prongs!" He picked the marker up off the floor and tossed it to James, who brightened considerably.

"Don't press down too hard, or color things in too much, or it will be more difficult to remove."

Prongs nodded dismissively and pushed Sirius onto his back (a clip that Remus's subconscious had probably clocked and intended to replay in his dreams tonight). James hovered over Padfoot's chest, clearly debating what to draw/write first. Remus took the time to subtly check out Sirius, since Wormtail was also focused on the marker. He noted, with bitterness, that his first impression of Sirius's appearance was entirely correct. _Christ, he really is fit._ His eyes flitted over his smooth chest and toned stomach, across his muscled arms, and over the slight jut of collarbone, that elegant, creamy-white neck. Perfectly unblemished.

Remus wanted to mark it all up. And not with ink.

At the first press of the felt tip over his ribs, both Sirius and Remus cringed. Padfoot's eyes were screwed shut, but he opened one hesitantly, looking down reluctantly, as if preparing for the worst.

It was a _heart._

Sirius laughed out loud, a soft, sweet laugh that Remus hadn't heard from him until now. His chest ached a little at the sound, and Remus tried valiantly to squash the feeling down. Padfoot smiled lazily at Prongs. "You're a sap, Jamie," and whatever strange tension remaining from the talk of Sirius's name dissipated. Perhaps that was Prongs's intention. Remus felt a stab of envy. James knew exactly what to do to make Padfoot bounce back, and Remus didn't even understand what upset him in the first place. _Of course Prongs knows him better than you, Remus! You've had a total of three conversations with this bloke. Pull yourself together,_ he reasoned with himself, trying to shake off the odd feeling.

"Don't get used to it, Pads. I'm nowhere near finished."

-

"I'm going to kill you, Prongs. I mean it this time."

Sirius stood glaring into the full-length mirror as his traitorous 'best mate' nearly punctured a lung with all his guffawing. Fear of Sirius's wrath was the only thing holding Wormtail back from laughing, but Remus (calling him "Lupin" didn't feel right anymore), just seemed amused, a light in his eyes and a tilt to his mouth while he looked at Sirius. It was almost more infuriating than Prongs's cackling.

Sirius surveyed the damage. Lots of dicks, obviously. He'd seen that coming. Some crude phrases, some girly doodles like flowers to embarrass him, some ego-boosters ("James Potter is a Quidditch God!") That was all tolerable. What was not tolerable was the fancy cursive script in the middle of his chest, large and obvious, reading, _"Padfoot & Snivellus Forever"_ with an infinity sign.

"You've gone too far this time, Potter!" he roared (not shrieked. He definitely did not shriek.) A thousand twisted ideas ran through his mind at lightning speed. He jabbed his finger in Prong's chest hard. "Revenge," he whispered menacingly, "is going to be _so_ sweet."

For a moment, Prongs looked genuinely terrified, and Sirius smirked a little in victory while James scrambled for a retort. "You're just angry because no one's going to shag you while you're covered in that marker!" _Oh, clueless, naive Prongs._ Wormtail gave James a pitying look.

"Was that your grand plan?" he barked out a laugh. "If I want a shag, all I have to do is walk into the common room and shout, 'anyone wanna fuck?" He smirked, patting Prongs on the shoulder consolingly. "Remember that time Wormtail made our potion explode, and I was purple for an entire week? That didn't stop me then, and this won't stop me now. The ink will be easily overlooked. Besides,-" He plopped down on his bed, stretching his arms out and leaning his head back on his hands, "you've added a few more dicks into the mix," he nodded to the drawings on his chest, "might make my suitors even happier."

 _That_ dragged a deep, genuine laugh out of Remus, and Sirius couldn't help but beam a little, even though Prongs was rolling his eyes at him for doing so, and Wormtail's attention was darting between Sirius and Remus anxiously, as if their coupling would topple the world order. Maybe it would.

Prongs sprawled out next to him on the mattress, and Remus and Wormtail moved to their own beds. Remus was dragging a book out of his bag. _A book! For reading! What the hell?_ Sirius was in the room, shirtless and irresistible and incredibly interesting. Far more interesting than a book. Why wasn't he paying attention to him? Sirius huffed, trying not to pout. "I bet McKinnon thinks stuff like this," Prongs gestured to his chest, "is adorable. Guaranteed shag," he said, almost bitterly.

Sirius grinned roguishly. "Which McKinnon? I've been with both."

"You're a slag, Sirius," Prongs chuckled, but he tilted his head slightly in Remus's direction, a warning. Sirius nodded. _I know he can hear me. Go ahead._ James raised an eyebrow but continued on. "Marlene, obviously. Sam's very no-nonsense. He'd make you wear a glamour over the ink."

"Might be worth it," he waggled his eyebrows, "He gives good head." Sirius grinned wider at the sound of a page being turned sharply, almost ripping from the book. "He can do this thing with his tongue that-"

"Merlin, Padfoot! I don't want to know the _details_!" Prongs groaned, attempting to push Sirius off the bed.

"You want the names, but not the details? You're so boring, Prongs!"

James fixed him with a fake glare. "Maybe I should talk to Wormtail instead of you. At least he keeps his sexual history out of casual conversation." Wormtail glanced at them from across the room, hearing his name. Sirius ignored him.

"That's because Wormtail doesn't _have_ a sexual history. Besides, you're not getting any right now, so you have to live vicariously through me." Prongs gave him a real glare this time, and it filled Sirius with pure glee.

"Sorry, Padfoot, but I don't want Sam McKinnon to suck me off. You can keep that experience to yourself."

Sirius rested his head on Prongs's stomach and looked up at him with a wicked smile. He knew Jamie wouldn't play with his hair like usual if he kept up his taunting, but it was fun to pester Prongs. Maybe _Remus_ would play with his hair. "What about Fabian Prewett? or Richards? or-"

This time, Prongs succeeded in pushing him off the bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had trouble writing this chapter for some reason, so don't judge it too harshly <3
> 
> Also: I think my chapters are getting longer and longer? Would yall prefer shorter, more frequent updates, or longer, less frequent updates? Comment below, if you have an opinion on that!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry this update took so long! I was on vacation with my family for a while. Thanks for your patience <3

Remus’s first Defense Against the Dark Arts class was today, and he was actually looking forward to it. It felt nice to be somewhat excited about something for once. _And it’s a great distraction from the revelation that my roommate, who looks like a Greek God, also likes men._

That little tidbit of information had been squirming into the forefront of his mind repeatedly since last night, but Remus was determined to ignore it. Dwelling on it would only lead his thoughts to dangerous places. Hopefully, Defense would be a healthy distraction. The more confident part of Remus was convinced that the class wouldn't be a challenge for him, but another part of him hoped it _would_ be, that he'd learn something new and fascinating, that his limits would be tested. His dad may have drilled the subject into his head out of paranoia, but Remus had a natural interest in Defense. He was good at it. After all, he _had_ to be good at it.

Remus huffed into his pillow and reluctantly heaved himself upright. There was no way he'd be able to go back to sleep. His brain was already up and running, not giving a shit that his body was lagging behind, exhausted. He padded over to the windowsill and fit himself into the small space, pulling his knees close to his chest. As his eyes roamed over the world outside, he felt a slow, heavy feeling of homesickness settle in his gut. For what home? He didn't know. Maybe it was a longing for the simple life he had before Greyback, but he only remembered snippets of those days.

Perhaps he missed the freedom. _Ha._ He hadn't had true freedom in a long time. Being on the run for most of his life shot that concept to hell, but he could pretend sometimes. It was easier to pretend when he could sneak out of whatever hovel they were staying in at the time and wander into nearby muggle nightlife. Then, he could get lost in alcohol and weed and, depending on the area, often men. Here, he felt stifled, trapped behind the castle walls, like Greyback was still out there, and he was still hiding. _You've only spent three nights here, Remus. Get it together,_ but restlessness was a difficult thing to shake.

_Time for a morning smoke, I think._

Suddenly, a piercing sound shot through the air, making Remus's head turn so sharply he feared whiplash. He stood abruptly, tracking it to the other side of the room, where a tortured groan drowned out the noise. "Padfooooot, turn it off," Prongs whined in response, stuffing a pillow over his head while Sirius grappled blindly for whatever was emitting that hellish shrieking.

"I can't find it, Prongs! You do it," Padfoot groaned, curling into a ball and pulling the duvet over his head.

As James wrestled the blanket off of himself and half-crawled over to Sirius's bed, Remus glanced over at Wormtail, who was sound asleep in his own bed, lightly snoring through all the commotion. Remus figured he'd adapted to these disturbances over the years. Survival of the fittest.

Prongs let out a triumphant "aha!" when he found Sirius's wand, which had apparently been the source of Remus's temporary deafness, and stopped the shrieking sound with an odd hand movement. He then proceeded to flop down on Sirius's bed, half-on top of Padfoot with an "oof."

"What the bloody hell was that?"

James's head popped up to address him apologetically while Sirius gave a noncommittal grunt. "Alarm," Prongs said, "We have quidditch-" His eyes widened, "Shit! We have quidditch practice!" He sprang upright and shook Sirius forcefully. "We have to go, Padfoot!"

"You're the fucking captain, Prongs! Practice won't start without you," Sirius said through his teeth, pulling down the blanket to glare at James. _Not a morning person then._ "Give me a minute to wake up."

"I refuse to waste valuable practice time!" James shouted, jumping out of bed and rifling around in his trunk for, presumably, a change of clothes. "Our match with Slytherin is coming up, and if we lose, we'll never hear the end of it!" Remus looked away when Prongs pulled his shirt roughly over his head. _Hey, remember me? Resident queer?_ Then again, there was Sirius, and he'd been rooming with them for years. Perhaps, things like undressing in front of each other didn't bother them.

Remus wasn't used to that level of comfort between friends.

"The only way we'll lose is if you don't catch the bloody snitch," Sirius groaned, but he was dragging himself out of bed anyway, looking sleep-rumpled and irritatingly attractive.

He made his exit as discreetly as possible. The common room had a bigger window anyway.

-

Two minutes later, Prongs darted past him and out of the portrait with a hurried "bye," but Sirius paused. "We'll see you at breakfast, yeah?"

Remus had planned on skipping breakfast again, simply because he was never hungry so early in the day, but he found himself surprisingly hesitant to do something that might break this new, sort of friendly atmosphere between his roommates and himself. He eventually nodded, forcing away the slight tingling sensation when Padfoot beamed at him before chasing after Prongs.

Remus waited for a few minutes before returning to the dorm, changing into a pair of jeans and grabbing his cigarettes to head outside as well. The tree by the lake would be nice in the morning, and initially, he had every intention of going there. That is, until he saw the players out of the corner of his eye and curiosity won out. He'd never seen anyone fly on a broom, and he'd certainly never seen a game of quidditch. He couldn't help it. His interest was piqued, plain and simple. With a defeated sigh, he leaned against an old shed and watched them from a distance. He couldn’t tell who Padfoot or Prongs were from here, or even the particular plays, but it was entertaining enough to see people whizzing about in the air.

After about forty-five minutes had passed, and everyone had returned to the ground, Remus realized he still hadn’t had a smoke. He opened up the slightly crumpled pack and slid one out, knowing he’d be jittery in Defense if he didn’t have one now. He lit up and brought it slowly to his lips. He enjoyed a slow smoke the most. It was calming, tranquil. He inhaled deeply, eyes fluttering shut. Leaning his head back against his shed, he took it out of his mouth, balancing it between his fingers, and exhaled a stream of smoke leisurely. _God, that’s good,_ he thought serenely, the nicotine rushing through his system. He didn’t exactly _like_ the idea of being dependent on something, but there were worse coping mechanisms out there. With the shit-show that had been Remus’s life, he could have been landed with worse vices than smoking.

He raised the cigarette to his lips again, eventually exhaling with a pleased sigh.

“Remus?”

He stiffened briefly, but quickly relaxed when he recognized the voice. “James,” he nodded, opening his eyes reluctantly. “Sirius.” He took another hit.

Padfoot tracked the movement, and Remus held in the smoke a little longer than usual before releasing it. “What’s that?” James asked, gesturing to Remus’s hand.

He raised an eyebrow, “A cigarette?” and flicked the ash dangling off the tip to the ground with a tap of his finger. “Do people not smoke around here?”

“People smoke, but not those things, and not in public.”

“Marijuana then?”

“No idea what that is, mate.”

 _Honestly, what is the deal with the wizarding world?_ “Well,” he said, pushing off the side of the shed and nodding toward the castle, “I don’t know if smoking is allowed on school grounds, but _cigarettes,_ ” He took one last puff, “are perfectly legal.” _Well, for people who are eighteen,_ he mentally added, but decided to keep that to himself.

Sirius eyed it with interest. “Can I try?” Remus forced the tantalizing vision of Sirius’s full lips around a cigarette out of his mind as fast as he could.

“It’s kind of addictive, mate,” he warned half-heartedly, strongly suspecting that Sirius wouldn't really give a fuck about things like consequences.

Predictably, Padfoot rolled his eyes. “I think I can handle it.” He held out his hand expectantly.

“Alright.” Remus handed him the cigarette, and Prongs eyed it warily. “Just breathe it in, hold it for a while, and breathe back out.”

Sirius brought it to his mouth with no hesitation, and unfortunately, the sight was much more satisfying than the vision Remus's limited imagination offered. His eyes were drawn immediately to Sirius's mouth, his lips, the way his cheekbones stood out a little when he inhaled. _Keep cigarettes away from Padfoot,_ he told himself firmly. He averted his eyes. _Lesson learned._

Sirius coughed abruptly, snapping Remus out of his thoughts while James laughed heartily, entirely unapologetic. “Arse,” Sirius wheezed, pushing Prongs away from him forcefully.

During the commotion, Remus plucked the cigarette from his fingers. “Don't worry. Lots of people cough on their first try.” He took one more indulgent hit. _Sirius’s mouth was just on this._ He exhaled and flicked it to the ground, crushing it with his shoe.

“Did you?” Sirius asked, as they made their way back to the castle, “cough the first time?”

“Yeah,” he replied automatically, thinking instantly of that night at the skate park. He smiled fondly at the memory. Remus had been fourteen at the time, feeling angry and rebellious after a big fight with his father, when he sneaked out of his house, running to the first place that popped into his head. “Yeah, I did,” he repeated, lingering on the line of thought. A boy from his class had offered him a cigarette and company. His first smoke and his first kiss with a boy.

He stuffed the pack in his pocket and walked faster, James and Sirius on either side of him. It felt sort of good.

-

At breakfast, Remus discovered that Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs all had Defense with him, and he wasn’t sure whether to feel wary or relieved when they told him he was sitting with the three of them, rather than asking if he wanted to. Remus questioned their motives. Perhaps they just wanted to get along, since they were all living together. Maybe they felt sorry for him after the incident in Muggle Studies. Little did they know, Remus had already taken care of that problem after his confrontation with Malfoy.

“It’s completely fine if you need a little help catching up,” Prongs whispered as they took their seats. “The professor is a total dick.”

Remus bit back a laugh. “Thanks, James, but I think I’ll be fine.”

-

“Mr. Lupin,” the professor called out, shortly after class had begun. “Since you’re new to Hogwarts,” he added distastefully, “and have never taken _my_ class, why don’t we test your knowledge a bit?”

He motioned for Remus to come to the front. _Wow, he **is** a dick._ He ignored the eyes on him as he walked up to the professor. “What would you like me to do, Sir?” He tried with all his might to keep the cheek out of his voice, but the professor’s eyes narrowed anyway.

“How about a simple shield charm?" he pondered aloud. "Perhaps an exparillamus?" He tapped his wand against his chin in consideration before his eyes lit up suddenly. "Or rather...the patronus charm?” he asked, faux-nonchalant and smirking while the class chuckled. Remus knew with certainty that casting a successful patronus, even in NEWT-level defense was not required, as many talented witches and wizards couldn’t produce them, and the professor was clearly aware of this and just determined to embarrass him.

“Alright,” Remus said simply, taking his wand out of his robes pocket and turning to face the class, which had gone silent, staring at him curiously.

“Perhaps something more basic, Mr. Lupin?” he back-tracked, doubt creeping into his previously smug voice. _I’m about to make you look like a fucking idiot._

Remus tried not to smile, but it was difficult. “The patronus charm is quite alright with me, professor. May I?”

Knowing there was no valid reason to stop him, the professor nodded. Remus’s eyes flicked to Sirius, who looked skeptical, but intrigued. He only let a smirk show through for a millisecond before returning to his task, but Padfoot had still seen it.

He closed his eyes and gripped his wand firmly. As usual, he searched for a specific memory. _Grass, sun, his mother’s smile._ That was before Greyback, before fear tore their family apart. He fought to keep the vision from slipping. _Grass, sun, five years old. His mother spun him around the yard, both of them laughing, and his father watching fondly from the doorway, an unburdened smile on his face._

His eyes shot open. “Expecto patronum!” He aimed slightly up, toward the back of the room and felt the power surge through him. A familiar, bright blue shot from the end of his wand, and the class watched in awe as his patronus materialized, pouncing mid-air before their eyes.

A wolf.

Remus’s chest seized up at the sight, though he had already known perfectly well what his patronus form was.

The wolf prowled around the room, searching for the danger he was meant to repel. Remus felt some of the tension drain from his shoulders at the reminder that his wolf was a protector, not an attacker. _He's no monster and neither are you._ He gave a small, bitter snort at the thought. That hadn't been his father's outlook when he first saw Remus's patronus. He'd panicked and regarded Remus suspiciously for weeks.

Remus had cast it many times since then, but never in his dad's presence.

In the absence of any tangible threat, the wolf simply yipped in confusion and bounded back over to Remus, circling him playfully. With a flick of Remus's wand, it disappeared, and the class broke into applause. “Is that all, Sir? May I take a seat?”

The professor shook himself from his surprised stupor and nodded reluctantly. “Yes, right. Well done, Mr. Lupin.”

“Thank you, Sir.”

When he found his seat, Prongs immediately clapped him on the back. “Mate, that was amazing! Did you see his face?”

Remus nodded and bit his lip to keep from laughing. His eyes darted to Sirius, who was staring at him with an indecipherable expression. In a few short seconds, it dissolved into a wide grin. “A wolf? That’s badass.”

Remus rolled his eyes, but Wormtail was eyeing him warily. “The patronus charm is really difficult. Where did you learn it?”

“My dad taught me,” he shrugged, fighting to keep his expression indifferent. Remus hoped that no one would notice how he'd stiffened slightly at the inquiry. Honestly, Peter’s question was veering a little too close to business Remus didn’t want anyone sticking their nose into, and the last thing he needed was suspicion surrounding him.

“Eyes up front!” the professor shouted their way. Remus ground his teeth.

“Dick,” Sirius muttered under his breath.

Remus smiled.

-

Astronomy had been tolerable. A good portion of the lecture contained material Remus already knew by heart, but it was unlikely that the subject could ever truly bore him. The class mostly consisted of "Ravenclaws," along with a few "Hufflepuffs." He still wasn't entirely sure what the Hogwarts houses meant or what they were even for, but he'd figured out which colors stood for which house. Now he could sneak a glance at someone's tie and identify them, not that it was very useful information to have. _Any information is useful information,_ he reminded himself.

Remus knew he was getting disapproving looks from a lot of Hogwarts students, but no one had said anything about his sexuality since that first day. He knew Malfoy wasn't responsible for future remarks made by the other houses, but after the confrontation in the hallway, Remus expected at least the seventh-year Slytherins to keep their distance. So far, they had, but the real test of the deal he made with Malfoy would be in Muggle Studies, the only class he had with Rosier and Goyle. Remus was curious to see if they would behave.

"Hey, Remus. You're going to sit with us, right?" a clear, pleasant voice rang out at his side, and he realized suddenly that he was already in the middle of the great hall for lunch. He looked over at Lily in surprise.

"If that's alright with you," he answered carefully, ignoring the eyes he felt burning into him from the other end of the table. His instincts told him it was Sirius staring at him, but that thought was so appealing that he had to dispel it immediately.

"Just sit down, Lupin," Marlene huffed, amused, and Remus took a seat next to Lily, rolling his eyes.

He had met Marlene yesterday at dinner and was surprised to find that he liked her almost instantly. "Craving my company already, McKinnon?" He raised an eyebrow.

"You wish."

 _She's hooked up with Sirius,_ his brain offered unhelpfully. He ignored it. He was fond of Marlene, and he didn't want to ruin their budding friendship with jealousy before it had even properly begun. Scolding himself, he held back and watched her as she told a story about a sixth-year Ravenclaw that made Lily blush. He could see why Sirius was interested in her. She was rather funny, and her mannerisms actually reminded him a lot of Padfoot. Besides, she was beautiful, seemingly in a way that was both conventional and unconventional all at once. Imagining her olive skin set against Sirius's pale body and both of their sleek, black locks twining together, Remus conceded that they would make a lovely, and rather striking, pair.

He watched in amusement as Marlene and a chatty girl named Dorcas giggled over a rumor they'd heard about so-and-so behind one of the greenhouses. "Terrible gossips, the two of them," Lily whispered fondly.

"You should hear the Hufflepuffs in my Astronomy class," Remus sighed.

He internally groaned when Marlene's ears seemed to perk up in attention. She leaned across the table with a conspiratorial grin. "Do tell, Lupin."

-

The owl came to him in the library, of all places, just tapped its talons against the window beside him. No one even batted an eye as he opened it and let the bird inside. _Wizards are strange._ He knew, in theory, how the owl system worked, but he'd never sent a letter this way before. Owls flying about delivering mail was somewhat suspicious in muggle areas, and they couldn't afford to draw attention to themselves.

He gently pried the rolled up message from the owl's talons. He scoffed at the use of parchment. His dad had been using paper and pens for more than ten years. Was it really that easy for him to re-immerse himself in the wizarding world? _All of this is just too weird,_ he thought, feeling another pang of longing for the muggle world, as well as an unexpected twinge of nostalgia for muggle school. _What kind of person misses maths?_ he berated himself.

He skimmed the letter. The length and tone of it suggested that his father had too much time on his hands these days. It seemed he didn't know what to do with himself without Remus around or Greyback to occupy his mind. He was asking more about Remus's daily activities than he had in eleven years.

His eyebrows shot up in disbelief as he stumbled over a particular question. _"Have you made any friends yet?"_

His father had never seemed interested in hearing about Remus's friends- or lack thereof, depending on the school- before. In fact, when he was young, his dad advised him not to make any connections at all. _"There's just no point, son. We'll be leaving soon."_ He knew things would be different now that Greyback was in Azkaban, but this was something entirely foreign to him. Remus didn't have the faintest idea how to respond to questions like these, how to talk with his dad about topics that seemed so frivolous compared to their usual conversations, which largely centered around survival strategy.

He set the letter aside. _I'll reply later tonight._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts?
> 
> By the way, I took the pottermore patronus quiz and answered the questions like I imagined my version of Remus would, and I actually got a wolf patronus! So that was cool!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took a while to write. Final exams are next week, and there's been so much for me to do lately! Thanks to everyone who's still following the story, leaving kudos and comments. I appreciate it <3

His dad's letter was still weighing heavily on his mind by dinner time, which his roommates never showed up to. Remus thought this was a bit odd, but since none of the other Gryffindors seemed concerned about their absence, Remus decided not to ask questions, choosing to sit with Lily instead. He snorted as Marlene did a near-perfect impression of Professor Arling, complete with his distinct, disapproving clearing of the throat. So far, Lily and her friends didn't seem bothered by his frequent appearances at their end of the table, and he hoped it would stay that way.

Remus was a curious bloke though, and when his roommates weren't in the dorm by lights out, his mind started tossing around theories like mad. Perhaps this was a regular occurrence. After all, they were out past curfew on Remus's first night at Hogwarts, but that still left questions like _where are they? what are they doing?_ that still bounced around his head long after they had finally returned around midnight.

"Filch is an evil bastard."

Remus shut his eyes quickly and listened in.

"You're going to wake him up, wanker!" Prongs shushed loudly, rather defeating the purpose of said shushing. _I'm not asleep. I'm never asleep at midnight_ , Remus mentally sighed, wishing he could get some fucking sleep for once, especially when no other information was offered about their whereabouts, only the sounds of Sirius snickering when Peter tripped over something on the floor with a pained hiss.

Sirius was kind of a prat, really. It was concerning how much Remus didn't mind. He decided not to think about it.

 _I should have went for a smoke_.

-

After some more tossing and turning, Remus eventually _did_ end up going for a smoke, about a couple of hours after everyone had fallen asleep, taking a pen and notebook with him. He needed to write his dad back. He tapped his pen against the paper distractedly. At least he didn't have to use parchment for this. He was considering going on strike at this point. Lugging scrolls around all day was becoming inconvenient, and using pens on it was more difficult than anticipated. He'd either have to talk his professors into letting him submit assignments on paper, or cave and buy a quill. Something inside him rebelled against using those ridiculous feathers though. Didn't muggleborns have a problem with it? It felt like forced assimilation. Then again, everyone else had been integrated into the wizarding world at eleven years old. Maybe that made all the difference.

 _You're just going to create trouble for yourself, Remus_ , but the thought made him smile a little. _I always seem to create trouble for myself anyway, no matter where I go._

He scribbled some short, mundane response and snubbed his cigarette against the tree he'd been leaning against. His reply felt awkward, uncertain, but he wasn't sure what to say after the oddly personal letter he'd received _._ Now that he thought about it, he wondered where he could even find an owl to send the damn thing. He shoved the message in his pocket. _I'll figure it out later._

_-_

Remus considered skipping breakfast, but he was still curious about where his roommates had disappeared to yesterday. Maybe they would let something slip accidentally, a clue Remus could work off of. He spread jam across a piece of perfectly crisp toast and took a bite. His stomach wouldn't be able to handle much more in the early morning hours, but lunch and dinner would be a different story altogether. Christ, he'd never eaten so bloody well in his life. He was starting to gain a bit of weight, a welcome change. He'd always been on the skinny side. _Scrappy little thing,_ one of his teachers had remarked a few years ago, distastefully, following a fight between Remus and an older boy in the schoolyard. He was all skin and bones and blood back then.

Turns out, Remus's sleuthing plans hadn't been necessary. James and Sirius were all-too willing to complain about the detention they'd endured.

"Detention? What for?"

Sirius brightened immediately. "Well, it was brilliant really. We were pranking the Slytherins, and-"

"So you got caught then?" Remus smirked.

Sirius scowled at him and pointed his finger accusingly at Peter. "Yes, but it was all Wormtail's fault!"

"I stuck to the plan!"

"Plans must change sometimes! You have to learn how to improvise every now and then."

James snatched the slice of bacon half-way to Sirius's mouth away and took a bite. "Leave Wormy alone, Padfoot," he said between chews. Grinning, he turned to Remus with a conspiratorial whisper. "Sirius is the one who forgot the silencing charms and gave us away by clonking around in those muggle boots of his."

"I do not _clonk around_ , Prongs. I stride. Gracefully," Sirius sniffed, and Remus took a sip of juice, hiding a smile behind the glass.

"Why don't you just put a charm on your shoes, so they don't make noise? It will last a few weeks at least, if you do it right," Remus shrugged, but the thought of the charm lifted his spirits more than he let on. Secretly, he was pleased that his proficiency in it had nothing to do with Greyback. It had been used mainly for sneaking out of the house, quick and silent, under the cover of night.

"That's brilliant!" Prongs beamed, whipping around to face Sirius. "Why didn't we think of that?"

Sirius grinned but watched Remus speculatively for a few long seconds. He averted his gaze when Wormtail piped up. "You realize this makes you an accomplice in our future pranks, right?"

"I'm fairly certain that an actual crime must be committed for me to be an accomplice," Remus said dryly, picking at his pancake. _I wish my stomach could hold a bit more. Bet the syrup's bloody fantastic._ He felt his skin itch a little in that tell-tale way. _Forget food_ , he thought distractedly. _Nicotine is God._

Sirius smirked, leaning forward to catch his eye. "Know much about being a criminal, Lupin?" Remus's fingers twitched for a cigarette, but he didn't even flinch when about a hundred snippets of illegal activities he'd participated in flashed through his mind like a cinema reel.

His lips twitched upwards. "Perhaps." He felt around his robes to check for his cigarettes, relaxing when he felt the outline of the crumpled pack, and stood up. "See you later," he quipped over his shoulder, heading for the lake.

-

"You should be careful around Potter and Black, you know. They're always getting into trouble."

Remus smiled at Lily, half-amused, half-touched. It was nice to have someone who cared. "Alright, mum."

"Shut up, Lupin," she mumbled, elbowing him playfully without looking up from her Charms notes. Remus could feel Snape's eyes burning into the back of his skull.

It was hard not to grin.

-

Charms was a nice break for his psyche, but muggle studies was fast-approaching. It was time to see if Malfoy would call his bluff or not.

Remus was hoping he wouldn't, because if it came down to it, he didn’t know if he _could_ make good on his threats. Something inside him squirmed at the thought of outing someone, no matter how shitty a person they were. But he refused to show his nervousness. He straightened up, squaring his shoulders. It was important to appear confident in situations like these. Malfoy would be looking for any sign of weakness.

James whispered to him outside the doors, as if comforting an inmate on the way to death row. “Just a warning: Malfoy and his goons can be relentless sometimes. They probably won’t let this whole gay thing go.”

“Maybe they’ve had a change of heart."

Prongs looked at him with pity.

He stepped through the door, eyes searching immediately for the Slytherins in question. To his delight, Rosier and Goyle glared daggers at him, but kept their mouths firmly shut as he walked to his seat. Remus smirked triumphantly and set his bag down, barely containing a full-blown grin when Rosier fumed at him, opening his mouth to say something, before Malfoy elbowed him sharply in warning. Seeking confirmation, Malfoy raised an eyebrow at Remus, a hint of panic in his eyes that satisfied Remus to no end. He nodded once. _We’re good,_ and turned away, to face the gaping expressions on his roommates’ faces.

“Wha-”

“Sh. Class is starting.”

Remus tried valiantly to pay attention to the professor, but he was too pleased with himself to concentrate on much else besides his victory. He couldn't lie. It felt good to win, nearly orgasmic actually. Besides, he was in _muggle studies_. Remus didn't really need to take notes.

When he left class, Sirius chased after him, out of breath as he tried to match Remus's pace. "What was that? In class?"

"Can you be a bit more specific, Sirius?" he said, feigning disinterest.

"You know what I mean."

Remus sighed, relenting. He was in an indulgent mood. “I worked things out with Malfoy. We have an understanding now.” He slid the strap of his bag further up his shoulder to secure it and subtly quickened his pace.

Sirius grabbed him by the shoulder, stopping him the the middle of the hallway, and Remus barely refrained from clocking him reflexively. _Relax, it's just Sirius._ But then again, he didn't really know Sirius, did he? “The only thing Malfoy understands is how to make everyone’s life a living hell.” Remus rolled his eyes and shrugged Sirius's hand away. “What did you say to him?”

He shrugged, “Nothing important,” and turned his eyes to Sirius directly. The message: _this conversation is over._ "See you later, Sirius."

-

One month passed, and Malfoy wasn't mentioned again, though Sirius occasionally looked at him with suspicion. For the most part, everything was normal. Well, _normal_ wasn't quite the word. Undoubtedly, Hogwarts was the most stable environment he'd ever been in, but for someone like Remus, who had been living a life similar to that of an escaped convict and spending his nights in seedy muggle nightclubs, it was _unusual_ for things to be _normal._ It was nice at times, but also unsettling. He couldn't shake the feeling that as soon as he got used to this life of safety and routine, it would be ripped away from him, that something would happen, and he'd be drowning in chaos once again.

 _A little bit of chaos isn't so bad_ , he thought fondly, watching Sirius lay sticking charms over the Slytherin seats in the Great Hall. It had been Remus's idea to set timers on them, so that they would only activate when all of the Slytherins had sat down for breakfast. That way, the early birds couldn't warn everyone else. After the advice on the silencing charms, his roommates were quick to let him in on their pranks, and it didn't take long for him to move from helping them plan to actually tagging along on their adventures. He was sworn to secrecy when they showed him the invisibility cloak, even though its existence was the worst-kept secret in Gryffindor house.

They still did things without him, went places in the middle of the night or on the weekends. Remus didn't mind really. Everyone was entitled to a few secrets. He certainly had a few of his own.

During his free periods, he taught himself transfiguration in an empty corner of the library, book propped open on his lap, wand in hand. Madam Pince looked at him curiously sometimes, but she never interrupted him. He was catching on quickly, faster than he thought he would. He studied Charms with Lily, tracked the stars for Astronomy, and learned next-to-nothing new in Defense. He figured out the owl system and sent his dad stilted letters. Occasionally, there was news of Greyback, how the trial went, criticisms of Azkaban's security. _Imprisonment, Remus! Can you believe it? They ought to give him the kiss!_ Remus agreed, but he chose not to think about it.

His mind was occupied enough already. Against all Remus's efforts, his attraction to Sirius was beginning to snowball into a full-blown crush. Remus knew he should distance himself, but Padfoot was almost impossible to ignore. He was too bright, too magnetic, and the more time Remus spent with him, the more difficult it was to remain unattached. To make matters worse, Sirius was a relentless flirt. Remus would take this as a sign of interest if he didn't do it with everyone. The frequent touching didn't mean anything either. Padfoot was just overly tactile in general. So was Prongs, which usually meant that James and Sirius were hanging all over each other at any given moment, arms draped across shoulders, tickle fights, 'manly' hugs after winning a quidditch match, nipple-twisting, etc. etc. Wormtail was usually subjected to hair-ruffling and friendly claps on the shoulder. Though, James also had a tendency to drag him places by the wrist when he wasn't moving fast enough, and Sirius once planted a sloppy kiss on Peter's cheek to embarrass him in front of a Hufflepuff bird he had his eye on.

Prongs dialed it back with Remus, keeping it to a more respectable level of friendly punches to the arm or pats on the shoulder. Wormtail hardly touched him at all, occasionally a nudge to his arm when he was trying to get Remus's attention. But Padfoot didn't much care what Remus's idea of personal space was. He was perfectly content if their thighs pressed together when they sat too close. He had no problem leaning his head on Remus's shoulder when he was tired or planting his feet in Remus's lap on the common room sofa. Sirius would do nearly anything to get his attention when Remus was being "boring," (studying) including but not limited to: kicking, (then tangling their feet together) biting his shoulder, and poking his cheek repeatedly until Remus gave an exasperated sigh and said, _What is it, Sirius?_

It was driving him mad. Mostly because he didn't want Sirius to stop touching him, and partly because he would get aroused at the most inconvenient times and shoving Padfoot away in panic would look slightly suspicious. Instead, he had to feign indifference, like it didn't matter, beyond maybe mild annoyance, whether or not Sirius was touching him.

"Reeemus, Prongs is being mean to me," Sirius whined. Thanks to the notable absence of students in the common room, Remus could clearly hear James's snort. He crossed the room and flopped down on the couch, propping his head against Remus's thigh. "Play with my hair?" he asked hopefully.

"I'm busy, Sirius," he said, fixing his eyes firmly back on his book, even though he hadn't turned a page in five minutes, distracted by thoughts of Sirius touching him. _And now his face is a short distance from my dick. Wonderful._

"Nonsense. What could possibly be more interesting than me?"

"Watching grass grow?" Remus said dryly, turning a page and ignoring Padfoot's indignant squawk. James and Peter snickered, and Sirius shot them a vicious glare that they couldn't possibly see from where they were sitting.

Pouting, Sirius poked him in the cheek. "Please?"

Remus huffed, knowing this was a bad idea. "If I play with your hair, will you shut up and let me study?" he sighed.

Padfoot lifted his head a little and nodded enthusiastically. Holding his book in one hand, Remus tangled his other in Sirius's hair. _Soft, so soft._ He ran his fingers through it, caressing the smooth strands and fighting to block out Padfoot's sweet hum of contentment. He tried to focus on his book. _The obscuring charm is particularly handy for-_ His fingers skated behind Sirius's ear. Clearly they had a mind of their own. That little patch of skin was noticeably warm to the touch. _The obscuring charm is particularly-_ He trailed them indulgently down Padfoot's neck for a few seconds before burying themselves back into the thick, raven locks. _The obscuring charm-_ Sirius's breath hitched slightly. _Oh fuck it._ Remus gave up and set his book down, turning his full attention to carding his hands (yes, now _both_ of his hands) through Sirius's hair. Remus felt him smile against his thigh when he started idly twisting the strands together. _Smug bastard._ Remus tugged a little harder, and the most delicious, muffled sound fell out of Sirius's mouth.

"You're much better at this than Prongs," he said, a little breathless, and Remus realized that this situation was going to get quite awkward soon if Sirius didn't stop making little noises that Remus wanted to bottle (and play back in the middle of the night with his hand around his cock). Sirius spoke again, before Remus could think of something witty to dispel the tension simmering in the air. "Are you braiding my hair?" he asked curiously.

"Yes, I suppose I am," he muttered, realizing for the first time that the strands he was twisting together formed a distinct pattern.

Sirius lifted himself out of Remus's reach. "Well, do it properly then," he said happily, sliding to the the floor between Remus's legs, his face turned away to give him access to all of his hair.

The possibilities flitted through Remus's mind. "What would you like?" he muttered distractedly, untangling the half-hearted three-strand plaits he'd done earlier. "French braid? Dutch? Fishtail?" 

Padfoot tilted his head back to look at him quizzically. "You know how to do all of those?"

Remus nodded, frowning when Wormtail butt into the conversation from his chair a few feet away, a reminder that he and Sirius weren't alone. "How?"

"Taught myself," Remus shrugged, eyes roaming across the locks cascading over Sirius's shoulders. _Waterfall braid, definitely._

"Yes, but _why_?"

Remus started the plait and answered without thinking. "I had this friend from-" he stopped abruptly. _From school. You almost said 'from school,' you idiot._ His fingers twitched against Sirius's scalp. "I had this friend," he tried again. "People were awful to her sometimes, kept calling her a bloke, teasing her. That sort of thing." Remus was purposely vague. _Do wizards know what "trans" means? Do they have a different word for it?_

"She liked plaits because they made her feel pretty," he said, relaxing as he thought of Sara fondly. "She was shit at braiding though," Remus smiled and started on the waterfall properly, deciding to braid it down the side. "So I did it for her."

"That was good of you," Sirius said softly, after a beat of silence.

Remus made a noncommittal noise, feeling uncomfortable with the sentimental turn the conversation had taken. Perhaps he shouldn't have said anything. James piped up from across the room.  _Christ, does he have super-hearing?_   "Don't get your hopes up, Remus. It will take more than a braid to make _Sirius_ pretty," which started a fresh round of banter between Padfoot and Prongs that Remus studiously ignored in favor of concentrating on Padfoot's uncommonly beautiful hair. _Beautiful,_ he snorted internally. _Christ, I'm a complete ponce._

He was ridiculously satisfied when Padfoot's fingers kept lightly tracing the braid for the rest of the night, a pleased smile on his face. _I'm pathetic._

-

"I knew he was a total softie under all that sarcasm!"

"Will you _please_ stop talking about Remus? You're distracting me, and I'm trying to look studious in front of Lily," Prongs hissed under his breath.

Sirius rolled his eyes as Slughorn droned on. He snatched James's parchment from under his arm, sending a streak of ink across it, and snickered. "Right. So studious," he smirked, pointing to the corner where Prongs had doodled a snitch and a few hearts with "LE & JP" inside.

James kicked him underneath the table. "Fuck off."

"He learned how to braid hair, just to help his friend feel more confident," Sirius continued. "How sweet is that?"

Prongs rolled his eyes but relented. "It was a little heart-warming, I'll admit." He snatched his parchment back when Sirius grinned. "Are you finished talking about your emotional hard-on now?"

-

Remus determinedly did not think about Sirius as he was heading outside for his after-dinner smoke, not his laugh or his cheekbones or- 

A sudden tap on his shoulder startled him, and he whipped around defensively, a firm grip on his wand. To Remus's surprise, neither Malfoy, Rosier, Goyle, or Snape stood before him. Instead, it was a thin, severe-looking boy, with short, black hair and aristocratic features. Slytherin, based on the tie. One look at his steely-grey eyes confirmed Remus's suspicions. He was definitely related to Sirius.

“Lupin,” he acknowledged with a tilt of his head.

“Whoever you are,” he parroted dryly, watching as the boy’s eyes narrowed, his jaw clenched.

“Can we speak privately?”

Remus would be foolish to trust this boy. Everything about him screamed calm hostility. In his voice was an edge that was absent in Padfoot's smooth tenor. Sirius didn't talk about his family. Ever. “I suppose," he shrugged, curiosity winning out, despite the warning bells that went off in his head when the boy shut them into an empty classroom. _Nothing I can't get out of._

“You should stay away from my brother,” he said without ceremony.

Remus raised an eyebrow. “I’m assuming you mean Sirius?” The boy shifted slightly at the name. “Though…he’s never mentioned a brother,” he drawled, stepping closer. “What’s your name?”

“Regulus, of course,” he said, voice clipped but a bit startled, as if surprised Remus didn’t know.

“Well, _Regulus_ -”

“It’s _Black_ to you, Lupin,” he hissed sharply.

Remus bit back an amused smile. “Any particular reason I should stay away from Sirius? He seems to enjoy my company well enough.”

At that, Regulus raised his wand with a sneer. “I’ve heard the rumors. You’re one of those _deviants_ -” Remus supposed ‘deviant’ was a step up from some of the slurs he’s heard over the years. “-and you should keep your filth away from him.”

“I rather think that’s up to Sirius, isn’t it?”

Remus could almost hear Regulus's teeth grind together. “Sirius doesn’t know what’s good for him. This _phase_ he’s going through. It won’t last.” He lowered his wand slightly, muttering something under his breath that sounded a lot like _he will come back._

He sent Regulus’s wand across the room with a neat experilliamus and moved close enough to whisper, a hint of warning in his voice. “I don’t take too kindly to being threatened, Black.” He tapped the end of his wand against Regulus's chest and watched his eyes widen. Remus was only an inch taller, but he felt like a giant towering over him. Suddenly, Regulus appeared much younger, more vulnerable. It _was_ Sirius’s brother, after all. Remus sighed, lowering his wand.

“Not that it’s any of your business, but we’re just friends.” He brushed past Regulus and opened the door, unable to resist a quip on his way out. “It’s sweet how much you care about your brother’s virtue though.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO sorry this chapter took so long. I had final exams. Then, I had to move out of my apartment unexpectedly. I kept thinking I was going to have time to write after that, but things kept popping up. Ugh...responsibilities..
> 
> Thank you to those who have stuck around! I love reading comments from you all. <3

_Perhaps I shouldn't say anything,_ Remus thought as he returned to the dorm room. _Why ruin the carefree atmosphere?_ Everyone seemed to be in a good mood. James and Sirius were on the floor, playing a game that Remus quite recently learned was called "exploding snap," and Peter was trying (and failing) to transfigure something unrecognizable on his bed. _I definitely shouldn't say anything,_ he decided _. His family is a sore subject._

His mouth didn't get the memo.

“I met Regulus after dinner," Remus said smoothly. "Real charmer, isn't he?"

The cards froze in the air.

Silence fell across the dorm instantly, as if a switch had been flipped. _Shit._

Remus flicked his eyes uselessly to the door, scolding himself for not leaving it cracked open. The noise from the common room could have seeped in and reduced some of the sudden tension. Now, the dorm seemed completely soundproof, a heaviness settling in the air with alarming intensity. Wormtail’s eyes darted nervously to where Padfoot was sitting next to James on the floor. _Fuck, I definitely shouldn’t have said anything._ The worried look on Prongs’s face as Sirius went rigid confirmed it.

“What did he want?” Sirius asked after a long moment.

He didn't look up from his cards when he spoke. Remus shifted uncomfortably. There was a steeliness to Sirius's voice that Remus had never heard from him before, _and I put it there_ , he thought guiltily.

“Said I should.." he began, pausing to put up air quotes, in hopes of lightening the mood, "stay away from his brother."

Remus thought it best to omit the parts of the conversation where Regulus called him a deviant.

Padfoot’s head shot up abruptly, visibly startling everyone in the room. “He said that? Those words exactly?” Some of the steel had left his voice, and Remus nodded in confusion. “He called me his brother?” he asked, much more quietly.

“Yes..“ Remus replied, feeling uncertain. "He _is_ your brother, right?”

“Yes, but- I didn’t think he still-” Sirius blinked and looked away. “Never mind.”

Another bout of silence reigned over the dorm until Prongs whispered something in Padfoot’s ear that made a bit of tension leave his shoulders. Remus was eternally grateful when James clumsily changed the subject, saving him from saying anything else.

Remus couldn’t help but feel he’d _very_ narrowly dodged a bullet.

-

Remus didn't fully comprehend how much of a dick he was for mentioning Regulus until the screaming started that night.

He had been awake before then, of course. He'd even heard the thrashing sounds and small whimpers coming from Sirius's bed, but he'd been hesitant to interfere. It was the scream that made him sit straight up in panic. He was about to investigate, but before he could open his bed curtains, he heard footsteps hurrying toward Sirius's bed.

"Padfoot," he heard Prongs say softly, then repeated several times with increasing force the longer Sirius didn't answer. "Sirius," he said, a desperate tinge to his voice.

There was a choked gasp. "Jamie?" _It's none of your business_ , Remus reminded himself, but he listened in anyway.

"It was just a dream, Padfoot," James said soothingly. Some murmuring followed, words that Remus couldn't make out. Then, a quiet voice, "I thought the nightmares were over," Prongs whispered.

"I haven't been having them. I swear," Sirius said emphatically. "I was just thinking about Reg, and then- you know," he whispered, his voice smaller and uncharacteristically vulnerable.

“He called you his brother. Isn't that a good thing?"

Remus couldn't hear Sirius's response, or much else after that, except a sad, angry exclamation before things went quiet again.

"He's stuck in that fucking mausoleum every Summer, Prongs. I know they’re poisoning his mind more and more every time he goes home. I just don't know what to do about it."

Remus laid awake for the rest of the night.

-

Predictably, the next morning, Sirius acted like nothing had happened. He laughed and flicked his eggs at Wormtail and made horrible innuendos just like always, and if anyone noticed his grin was just a little too forced, no one said anything about it.

Prongs was all-too eager to distract his best mate with anything that popped into his head. "I have this brilliant idea for a prank tonight, and I'll definitely need your help pulling it off, Padfoot." "Want to go skip Potions and go for a fly this afternoon?" and so on.

Remus felt a heightened sense of respect towards James. Clearly, he was a caring friend, and Remus felt a bit miffed remembering the times Lily had called him an emotionally-stunted prat. Next time, he would fight her on that claim. Perhaps if she knew what James was really like, she would give him a chance. (Yes, by now Remus had heard all about Prongs's undying love for Lily, and Lily's undying dislike for him in return). Truthfully, Remus hadn't given the situation much thought before now, preoccupied with his studies and thoughts of Padfoot in compromising positions. He vowed to make more of an effort with James and Peter. After all, they had been good to him this past month, even though they had no reason to be.

-

Defense Against the Dark Arts offered everyone a much-needed distraction.

"Today, we're going to practice a bit of dueling," Professor Arling announced, matter-of-fact, raising a mocking eyebrow as the class cheered. Remus's mouth twisted into a delighted grin. _Finally._ He risked a quick glance at Sirius, who, for the first time that day, had a real, genuine smile on his face.

Remus's heart definitely did not _flutter_ at the sight, or any nonsense like that. _You are a badass motherfucker, Lupin. You have hexed and cursed and fucked yourself around the globe while on the run from a homicidal_ werewolf. _Your heart does not_ **_flutter._**

He tried to divert his attention back to Arling, who was calling out names in pairs. Much to James's dismay, the professor was choosing the partners. "I wanted to kick Wormy's arse, Professor!" he whined, causing Peter to blush dark red in embarrassment and Sirius to guffaw loudly next to him. Remus rolled his eyes, choosing instead to focus on the upcoming duel.

He sized up his partner, some uncertain-looking Hufflepuff bloke who was glancing Remus's way nervously every few seconds. He felt himself deflate a little. At least they would be rotating partners throughout class.

-

Remus sighed. As expected, the duel was over almost as soon as it started, and the Hufflepuff looked so pathetically defeated afterwards that Remus couldn't even enjoy the victory. He took a look around the classroom, bored. At least no one was paying attention to him. They were all focused on their dueling. Remus's lips quirked up in amusement when his eyes landed on Prongs, who had truly met his match with Marlene as an opponent, and at that moment, had leeks growing out of his ears.

Nearby, he found Sirius, locked in a duel of his own, firing off hexes like he was born for it, every movement exuding cool confidence. Remus's breath caught in his throat as he felt a tell-tale tingling in his gut.

He's always had a thing for duelers, after all.

If anything good had come out of his unconventional upbringing, it was dueling. His father taught him well enough, but Remus reveled in more illicit memories. At fifteen, during a short stint in Moscow, he'd gotten himself involved in a bit of not-so-legal dueling, thanks to a chance meeting with a wizard downtown. He learned a great deal in that month, spending almost every night honing his skills in a Kapotnya district warehouse, a dozen or so wizards around him placing bets. Eventually, he even made some money off it.

And the thrill. _Fuck,_ the thrill made even defeats feel like victories.

With envy, Remus noted that Padfoot's opponent was considerably more skilled than Remus's Hufflepuff had been. He was quite obviously trouncing him though, and Remus suspected that Sirius could end the duel whenever he wanted. _He’s good_ , Remus thought with delight, blood pumping excitedly at the prospect of a challenge. Padfoot struck his opponent with a flawless _incarcerous_ , smirking when he finally met Remus's gaze. Sirius bounded over before he could take a step, eyes bright and face smug.

"You're a decent dueler," Remus offered, somewhat neutrally, when they stood before one another. _No need to cater to Padfoot's limitless ego._

Predictably, Sirius scoffed. " _Decent_?" he repeated incredulously. Remus rolled his eyes. "I'm a fair bit better than _decent._ "

"Prove it."

Padfoot took a determined step closer. Sirius could never resist a dare. Remus's heartbeat quickened in anticipation, distantly aware that it wasn't time to switch partners, and that Arling was probably going to lecture him endlessly when they were finished. Honestly, Remus didn't give two fucks. Sirius was standing before him, grinning and determined and a little flushed from the previous duel. Accepting his proposal.

"Think you can handle me, Lupin?”

_In more ways than one._

“We're back to last names then?”

Sirius shrugged. “We’re dueling. Nothing personal." He leaned in closer, almost whispering, “Won’t be personal when I kick your arse either.”

 _Oh, this is going to be good._ “I’ll keep that in mind,” Remus said, lips twitching as he shook Sirius’s hand firmly. The jolt of electricity generated by that innocent touch was pushed into the back of his mind by the time they had walked five paces each and raised their wands.

Sirius struck first, but Remus had been expecting it. If there was one thing he could count on, it was Padfoot’s boldness. Remus's shield charm was up instantly, blocking the hex with ease. If Sirius was surprised, he recovered quickly, firing off some harmless jinx to test his shield. When it failed to penetrate Remus's defenses, he squared his shoulders and increased his efforts, releasing a barrage of spells constructed to break down the barrier between them. Remus could have kept up his _protego_ for a while longer, but _where's the fun in that?_

Remus purposefully lowered his defenses and countered with a few hexes of his own, which Sirius deflected beautifully with a flick of his wand. They stared at each other, a silent question between them. After Padfoot raised an eyebrow, expression _unimpressed_ enough to provoke him, Remus doubled up, spell after spell on his lips, and Sirius matched him enthusiastically. They circled one another, casting increasingly daring and difficult curses, physically dodging the hexes they didn’t have time to counter. It was like a dance with Sirius, who was grinning wildly at him, going so fast that some of the spells had to be wordless. _Yes_ , Remus thought feverishly. _Take it up a notch._ He fired off a few of his own wordless jinxes and saw Sirius's eyes widen.

Were there rules here? It was a classroom, after all. But Sirius didn’t seem to be holding back, so neither did Remus. A fairly nasty hex skimmed Remus's ear, and he knew with certainty _that_ wasn't allowed in a seventh-year Defense course. Sirius faltered slightly after casting it, but Remus only grinned at him in delight. _Perfect._ Sirius's eyes brightened, then narrowed in determination. Remus's blood practically sang in his veins. It felt like a circuit between them, like they were feeding off of each other's energy. Padfoot was so intense, so _I double-fucking-dog-dare-you_ that Remus wasn't sure if he would ever yield unless forced. Sirius narrowly dodged a disarming spell and retaliated with a burst of vigor and a curse that would send Remus to the hospital wing, no question.

Padfoot was impressive, quick and clever, and _powerful_ , but Remus had endurance in spades. In that ramshackle old warehouse in Moscow, duels weren't over until someone couldn't get up off the floor, and Remus may have been a little out of practice, but dueling was ingrained in him like muscle memory. He knew how to keep fighting, and Sirius was getting tired, turning to the defensive more often now. Clearly, he was not accustomed to dueling for so long. _Because he's used to beating his opponent quickly_ , his mind supplied. With the talent Sirius had displayed so far, there was little doubt in Remus’s mind that Padfoot was quite used to winning duels. _All the more satisfying when I beat him,_ he thought, with vicious pleasure. _  
_

Sirius seemed to sense his approaching defeat because he gathered himself quickly and cast a determined _stupefy_ , which almost shot through Remus’s hastily conjured shield. _Almost_. The spell rocketed off, hitting someone nearby, evident in the loud 'thud' of a body hitting the floor. Remus took a moment to be impressed. It must have been strong. With his goal in mind, he gathered his energy and cast clear and true.

“ _Everte Statum_!”

Sirius was thrown back against the wall, his wand clattering to the floor.

Nearly bursting with the sheer thrill of the win, Remus lowered his wand. His grin must have appeared slightly manic, but _fuck, this feels good._ His adrenaline was running high. He felt invincible. Like he could touch the sky, punch someone’s lights out, fuck like a machine. The world was _his_ , goddammit.

“Well done, Lupin!” the professor cried incredulously. The class burst into surprised applause, and Sirius looked up at him, mouth open in shock.

Remus offered a hand to pull him up, an entirely selfish gesture, given that his motives had more to do with wanting to feel Sirius's skin and less to do with helping him. The opportunity to associate Sirius's touch with this victorious feeling was too good to pass up.  “Fuck, Remus," Padfoot said, blinking up at him. "Didn’t know you had it in you.”

“Yes, well. It was a close match.”

“Bloody amazing!” James shouted, ruffling Remus’s hair while Wormtail shifted uneasily between Remus and Sirius like he wasn’t sure how to react to the victory/defeat.

Sirius collected himself a bit, in the name of indignation. “Oi! Where’s your sympathy, Prongs?" Remus bit back a smirk. "Your best mate’s just been thrown against the wall!”

 _I'd love to pin you against it sometime,_ Remus's traitorous mind supplied. _  
_

James rolled his eyes. “Going to see Pomfrey for your bruised ego, Padfoot?”

“Fuck off.” Sirius was still breathing heavily, noticeably flushed. It was doing horrible things to Remus’s libido, which was in overdrive after the post-duel high, energy with no place to go.

“May I be excused, Professor?" he said suddenly. "I’m rather drained after that duel.” _I could use a wank, actually._

Arling nodded reluctantly, but there was no hiding the excitement in his voice after watching such an intense duel. “Yes, of course, Lupin. You too, Black. Great work from both of you today.”

-

“Are you actually tired?” Sirius asked doubtfully, as they reached the other end of the hallway. Remus tried not to look at Sirius, all sweaty and flushed and standing entirely too close to him.

“Fuck no," he answered honestly, biting his lip to keep himself in check. _Watch what you say, Lupin._ "Too much adrenaline.”

Sirius nearly buzzed with energy beside him. “Me too. Feels kind of incredible, doesn’t it?” he said breathlessly, and Remus couldn't help but spare him a glance. His tie was undone, hanging loosely at his neck, his shirt less buttoned than the dress code allowed, all rumpled and half-untucked from his trousers. Remus suddenly understood why McGonagall was so obsessed with enforcing the dress code. This was highly distracting. In fact, Remus thought they should take it a step further and make it _illegal_ for fit Gryffindor boys to walk around all disheveled like that. Sirius grinned at him, his teeth glinting in a distinctly predatory way. Remus forced his eyes away.

 _I want to fuck you into the mattress,_ his brain offered unhelpfully. _  
_

He could feel Sirius's eyes on him now, burning into his skin, but he kept staring straight ahead. “I’m starving. C'mon.” Padfoot grasped his wrist suddenly and dragged him along, half-running.

-

“What is this place exactly?”

“The kitchens. The house elves will get you anything you want.”

“House elves?”

Remus jumped a few feet in the air, drawing his wand reflexively when a small, wrinkled-looking creature with large ears popped suddenly into existence beside him. “Shit, sorry," he apologized when he remembered this was the "elf" that Sirius had mentioned. "Wasn’t expecting that.”

“Winky is being sorry for startling Sir!" A panicked expression crossed over the elf's face. "Winky is a bad elf,” she said, wringing her hands worryingly.

A sniffle indicated the approach of tears, and Remus rushed to calm her. "No, you're not bad at all. Promise." Remus searched his brain for a consolation. "You've helped me actually," he offered, matter-of-fact. Sirius raised an eyebrow. "It's important to stay vigilant. Thank you for reminding me," he said reassuringly, and the elf brightened immediately.

“How about some food and drink, Winky? What do you want Remus?”

“Do you have Pepsi?” he asked hesitantly, knowing it was an exclusively muggle drink, but deciding to risk a bit of suspicion from Sirius.

“Winky is not knowing what 'pepsi’ is, but she will find it for Master Remus.”

“That’s alright. I don’t want to trouble you.”

“Master Remus is no trouble at all. Winky will find 'pepsi,” she gushed. “And for you, Master Sirius?”

“I’ll have what he’s having,” Sirius replied distractedly. Remus took a seat at a nearby table, avoiding Padfoot's curious stare while the elf disappeared to, presumably, gather their drinks. "Pepsi," Sirius repeated, as if testing the word on his tongue. “Is that a muggle thing?” He sat across from Remus, watching him intently.

“Yes, I suppose it is,” he answered noncommittally.

“A drink?”

Remus's lips quirked up in amusement. “Yes, it’s fizzy and has a ridiculous amount of sugar in it.”

“Fantastic.” Sirius grinned.

“You’ll like it.”

And perhaps Remus walked right into it, or Padfoot was just a natural flirt (which he _was_ , for the record) but Sirius's grin turned sly. “How would you know what I like?” He leaned closer, and Remus wondered when the table began to feel like just a mere twig between them.

“Observation?” Remus willed his breathing to remain even and looked at the wall behind Sirius's head, instead of directly at him.

“Been watching me, Lupin?”

_You have no idea._

There was really only one explanation. God must have felt sorry for Remus. Because Winky chose that precise moment to return with two bottles of Pepsi and plates of various foods, saving Remus from answering that dangerous question.

Sirius eyed the drink hesitantly while Remus thanked the elf and popped the cap off against the edge of the table. Amused, Remus slid the bottle in his direction and raised an eyebrow in question.

Padfoot never refused a dare. He took a dramatic gulp to prove himself.  

 _S_ _hit_. Remus instantly recognized his own mistake when a familiar, thrilled glint flashed across Padfoot's eyes. “That’s amazing!” he shouted, proceeding to down the entire bottle before Remus had the chance to wrestle it away from him.

“Fuck, I’m an idiot," Remus sighed, his face in his hands. " _Caffeine and sugar_. You’ll be bouncing off the walls.”

“Winky! Can you get me another bottle of this?”

-

“I really shouldn’t have given you soda.”

“It’s the only thing I’ll drink from now on,” Sirius said emphatically, puffing up his chest like he was positively _daring_ someone to stop him from drinking as much Pepsi as he felt like.

Remus gave a defeated sigh. “I should apologize to James and Peter in advance, if that’s the case.”

Sirius ignored him, and Remus took the rare moment of silence to take in the view of the second new place Padfoot had showed him that day. _The Astronomy Tower._ Somehow, he'd never been up here. _How do I take an  Astronomy class for an entire month and not know there's a bloody tower, specifically for looking at the stars?_   Perhaps it was just another one of those things that everyone knew and never thought to mention to Remus. It was rather beautiful, all that land stretching out below them, the forest a dark green thicket and the sky a calm, milky-blue. The stars were invisible in the light of day, but Remus thought he could detect a hint of the moon behind one of the clouds.

He wriggled a cigarette from his near-empty pack and lit it with his trusty lighter. Sighing, he took a puff. He was blowing through his stash of smokes already and didn't want to think about what sort of stunt he'd have to pull to escape the castle and restock without getting expelled in the process. He was sure that his roommates knew a way out of here, but he decided to bide his time. After all, the cigarettes alone wouldn't be worth the risk, and he had a bit of time before he started to get desperate enough for..other things. At least, for this particular moment, Remus was content. A duel, a meal, a cigarette, and Sirius’s intoxicating proximity. The day hadn't turned out nearly as bad as Remus had feared it would after last night.

“Give me some of that,” Sirius said with an expectant tilt of his head, and much to Remus's surprise, he didn’t cough this time.

“I’ve addicted you to caffeine, and now nicotine? I’m a horrible influence on you." Remus bit down on his lip to stop a pathetically fond smile from forming. _Where's your poker face, Lupin?_

Sirius grinned around his cigarette, tendrils of smoke escaping from between his teeth. “The worst, really.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trouble is on the horizon...so stay tuned
> 
> (can't make things easy for them, right?)
> 
> *Edit: The next chapter may take a while. I'm going on vacation. Also, I don't want to rush my writing because there is a lot of important stuff to unpack in the next chapter. 
> 
> If you like to read other pairings, I may put some finishing touches on this james/sirius one-shot that's been sitting in my drafts for a while. PWP is easier to write sometimes! Thanks for sticking with this story <3 Everyone in the comments has been so kind and supportive. I appreciate y'all


	7. UPDATE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Not a new chapter

Sadly, this is not a new chapter. :( This is an update because I didn't want to leave you guys hanging.

It's been a tough decision, but I have to take a break from this fic. It will probably be 2-3 months until the next update. I have so many ideas for this story and wish I was writing it right this second, but some unexpected life shit has happened. I just don't have the time. I'm in school full time and working part time on top of other things I'm dealing with, so it's just not a good time to write.

I hope you guys understand and eventually come back to this story once I start writing again. All the kudos and comments from you have meant the world to me <3


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